Why I Am Often Unrealistically Afraid That I'm Not "Man" Enough.

Hello Friendly Readers:

Last summer I read about a report one can order about anyone, from a company called Akiba. It provides a full psychological and personality profile, based on all the different data that the person has unwittingly dispersed into the electronic ether by shopping, joining, dating, chatting, etc. (Below, I've listed the search site's information, regarding the places they mine to uncover this information, as well as their disclaimer notice.*) I have to admit that I found the idea of this intriguing.

I am someone who has been actively engaging in online activities for over a decade now...even longer than most. As such, I was very curious to discover what the information, I've provided along the way, might say about who I am. We all wonder how others perceive us, and what our habits and behaviors say about us. I decided that this was a wonderful opportunity, not only to learn more about myself, but also to find out who I am to the world around me. So, I ordered a report on myself. I had the advantage of knowing some very specific information about myself, like my social security number, current and past addresses, gender, date of birth, etc. My name is also rather unique, thus ensuring that the information would be exclusively about me. I had no fear that it would be polluted with data from some random "Alita," who lives in Little Falls, Minnesota. At least, that's what I thought...until I read the report. I have to say, I learned a number of things about myself that I never would have guessed!

The first piece of surprising information Abika revealed to me is that I am in fact a man. You can imagine my surprise. I've always considered myself to be a woman and, in fact, I mentioned that fact to Abika, in order to help them conduct the search. The most interesting aspect of the gender confusion, is that they didn't even say that they found conflicting data...they simply listed my gender as "male." Okay, that was an inauspicious beginning, and did not bode well for the accuracy of their report. Nonetheless, they had managed to list every single address at which I've resided, within the last ten years, without listing any in Little Falls, Minnesota...or any other superfluous domiciles for that matter. Maybe then, this was a fluke. After all, they did note that I attended Columbia University, which I did and; they knew I had worked, at some point, for a company called "Organa," which happens to be a company in which I am a partner.

So, the profile they sent me reads as follows in bold, with my italicized comments beneath each statement:

Psychological and Personality Profile:

Subject is generally thinking of how others think and why they do what they do.
This one is pretty much true.

Subject wants to be fair-minded and would rather risk being indecisive than be wrong.
I suppose this is true sometimes.

Subject is quick to take offense at the remarks of others and to find fault with their actions.
Not so much this one...at least not since my twenties.

Subject has many expansive ideas.
This one sounds good...I like this one.

Subject seeks emotional harmony.
Don't we all?

Subject enjoys mature intellectual stimulation.
Yep...this one is me...guilty as charged.

Subject is analytical and curious in relationships.
This one too...okay, this is really starting to seem mostly accurate.

Subject is on the extreme of crude or refined or sloppy or neat.
I don't know about this...so I'm either north or south or east or west? Whatever.

Subject is attracted to difference and variety.
Okay...I guess...

Subject is also attracted to partners of other races.
Well, this is an interesting tidbit given that I've never really dated partners of other races...but maybe that's why I'm still single.

Subject has a short attention span and gets bored with one partner after a while.
Perhaps I should find two partners of other races to date at the same time to address this issue.

Subject is fascinated by partners with dark tones and features.
Pretty much a light eyes, dark hair kinda gal...at least, I think I'm a gal.

Subject is fascinated by foreign cultures.
Not really...I figure men are foreign enough for me.

Subject finds crude sex and talk to be a big turn on.
Not! ...Sorry guys, not really my thing.

Subject cannot resist sexual temptation.
Except when I can.

Subject gets along well with most people.
Except when I don't.

Subject works to project refined tastes and manners.
Apparently I only do this when I'm not being crude, sloppy or talking dirty.

Subject is plagued by emotional frustration that blocks him from making lasting relationships. Perhaps I'm emotionally frustrated that I don't make lasting relationships.

Subject likes the excitement of competition.
Okay...this is true...but only at work.

Subject is fearless in dealing with others.
Unless they are really hairy and tall.

Subject has a warm sensuality.
Yeah, baby!

Subject's imagination has produced a clutter of unrealistic fears that puts him down in his own eyes.
True, I am often unrealistically afraid that I'm not "man" enough.

Subject has great sales and public relations ability.
True...again, only at work.

Subject thinks big, plans big and talks big.
True.

Subject is not hesitant to embark on grand enterprises and plans.
Me.

Subject has a hard time giving up on relationship unless it is on his own terms.
Okay, I'm guilty of this...but who isn't?

Subject is generous.
As they say, "to a fault."

Subject is diplomatic when needed.
Always in my personal life...but unfortunately, never at work...although, I'm working on that.

Subject has great common sense.
I might have sense...but it isn't common.

Subject has leadership abilities.
Only when I need to lead.

Subject is fascinated by all things classic.
Whatever that means.

Subject has a hard time living in the present. Echoes of bad experiences from his past activate his fears and imagination.
Yes, every time I see the color red, I flash back to that time I was fighting the Bull and he gorged me...I can still hear the roar of the crowd as he pierced my flesh...Seriously, if I lived in the past, I'd be a basket case...the present is much more pleasant.

Subject likes to build on the solid ground of past experiences.
Um...what's this? Okay, really I like to build on the future...What?

Subject is fascinated by structured institutions.
Yes, fascinated by people who can deal with and within structured institutions.

Subject is attracted to older partners when young and vice versa.
Okay...this is me. My boyfriend when I was 17 was 34, and I likes 'em young now!

Subject's insecurities has made him very touchy.
Touchy-feely.

Subject uses the oppressive martyr complex.
Only when I'm being a martyr.

Subject is good at planning large operations from behind the scenes.
Aren't we all?

Subject is detail oriented.
Not even a little bit! ...but I am good at managing others to pay attention to details.

Subject may have been subjected to strict parental discipline and punishment as a child.
Um...my parents didn't know whether or not I was alive most of the time...although, I will say that they probably cared...they just didn't know.

Subject comes up with creative solutions to problems at work.
Yep...me.

Subject enjoys things that demand careful attention to detail.
Well, I am a bit OCD...but again...I prefer to delegate attention to detail.

Subject is inventive and unpredictable.
...or so I've been told.

Subject is inspired by parents and vice versa.
I will say that my Mother is awesome...my Dad is great...and they seem to like me, now that I'm an adult.

Subject needs someone to get him started however he can finish projects if no one hurries him.
Hurrying me is never a good thing...I have issues with Time...in constant battles with Time.

Subject likes good food and creature comforts.
Don't we all?

Psychological and Personality Scores:  (Maximum Scores – 100)

And Here Are My Scores by Category:

Cheating (Marriage or Romantic Relationships)—88 (Higher the score, higher the tendency to cheat)
Never cheated in my life...not yet, at least.
Short attention span—92 (Higher the score, shorter the attention span)
What were you saying?
Leadership—80 (Higher the score, higher the leadership ability)
Wanna follow me off that cliff?
Decisive—70 (Higher the score, higher the decisiveness)
Not sure about this one...I guess I can be decisive...I don't know...sometimes, I'm not.
Jealousy—84 (Higher the score, higher the tendency to be jealous)
Actually, I think jealousy is a big waste of time; I would never waste my time with someone who was interested in someone else.
Possessive—68 (Higher the score, the more possessive is the person)
Only with food.

*Information about Abika.com searches: PSYCHOLOGICAL & PERSONALITY PROFILES: Psychological and personality profiles are compiled from data mining any available information such as public records, behavior history records, consumer activities, shopping histories, memberships in various organizations & clubs, court records, demographic data, property deeds, media, public and private databases, newsgroups, opinions expressed in chat rooms, forums, message boards including other methods such as statistical comparisons with peer groups, polling and information submitted by friends, co-workers, relatives. There is no necessity to take written or verbal tests and no necessity of lengthy questions and answers as in the Myers-Briggs tests. Relevancy of a psychological profile is directly proportional to the accuracy of the background information. The fundamental axiom of profiling is comparing an individual's behavior with the behavior of others in similar circumstances who have been studied in the past. The key to good profiling is in deriving what background effects what trait. Research indicates that often times what most people commonly consider to be irrelevant pieces of background information have the most relevancy for any trait. Psychological & personality profiles are a statistical estimate of personal traits and special talents that generally should be verified by other facts. It is also possible that people have a certain trait but do not act upon it due to external circumstances that make it very difficult for them to act in accordance with their natural trait. In these situations research indicates that as soon as the external circumstance is removed people revert to their natural trait. There are no traits that are all bad or all good. Good or bad is very relative and defined according to the society one lives in or the circumstances. Certain traits in certain situations would be extremely desirable and those same traits in a different situation could be extremely undesirable.

DISCLAIMER NOTICE: ABIKA.COM does not warrant the accuracy, timeliness or completeness of any of the data returned through the website, email or the Abika.com community.  Any information purchased through ABIKA.COM may not be used for purposes such as deciding whether to hire an individual for employment or for determining an individual’s eligibility to receive insurance. To the fullest extend permitted by law, the information is provided AS IS, WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, TITLE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR NON-INFRINGEMENT.

Abika.com is not a licensed private investigator, and does not engage in any activities for which a license is required. Abika.com, as a matter of policy, will not accept payments from individuals it knows to be under the age of 18 nor will Abika.com allow divulging information about individuals it knows to be under the age of 18. Abika.com is a Person-to-Person Search Engine, through which you can access a community of researchers. Abika.com provides order processing, delivery, certain database and Internet search and customer service, while actual records search results are generally provided by various researchers such as court researchers, licensed private investigators, information brokers, librarians and people who have knowledge of other people. These experts are independent researchers and Abika.com does not know how they do the research or what databases they access. Abika.com notifies researchers who provide non-database research to only fulfill the search request if they can conduct the research in compliance with Federal, State or Local Laws. Any fees paid are for the service of searching the information you seek. For most conventional search engines like Google, Yahoo, Alta Vista, MSN Search and Teoma the searches are conducted automatically by a computer program (algorithm) that searches websites and Internet data, while in the Abika.com model, searches are conducted through people and by people. The database that Abika.com maintains is the index of searchers, IP, IM and email database. Abika.com does not maintain other databases used in your searches.

Okay...that's it for now...I hope you enjoyed learning about me as much as I did.

Best, alita.