Why I Don't Date Guys Who Don't Get My Jokes...

WARNING: Do not read this if you are a smart attractive man inclined to adore me, as this post is rather snotty and may ruin my chances with you.

So, this is another installment in my eDating diary. Before I start, I would like to say that anyone reading my eDating stories might think it is rude for me to describe my personal interactions with another person, especially in order to mock them. Anyone who thinks this is absolutely right. It is both impolite and it is a basic betrayal of said suitor's confidence. I will offer no excuses for such disrespectful behavior; however, I would like to make it clear that I do not and would never betray the confidence of someone I still know. Furthermore, I primarily limit these "mock you" posts to men I no longer know because they have behaved badly in some way or another. I only say this because I don't want someone who doesn't know me to think that getting to know me will necessarily expose them to a public flogging here. It might, but not necessarily =-)

Seriously though, I've had a couple of guys write me cautious notes expressing an interest in me in which they "hope" they won't be ridiculed as another contemptible suitor if I don't reciprocate their interest. That's just not going to happen. I might be rude and I might be a bitch, but I'm not going to publicly slam anyone who makes a sincere overture. Now if I respond privately to that person that I'm not interested, and he fires back at me with something mean, confrontational or belligerent...well, then, you can pretty much be certain that I consider that person to be fair game. So, those are the rules I follow, in case you care.

Now with all that said, here goes a particularly harsh and judgmental account of a recent interaction I had with someone from match.com. Now when it comes to eDating, some of the guys are really great-looking, some are smart...but not so many of them are both :-(

The subject of this post was 6'1" and muscular, with what I call "teen beat" good looks. He called me the other night and the conversation was going fine until he tried to take the chitchat into banter. It went well at first, but then in a conversation about Christianity, in which he was saying some sort of funny things. Noticing that he wasn't uptight about religion, I quipped, "Well you know, Christianity is a social disease."

To my surprise, he responded flatly, "That's not funny...that's just more like a statement of fact." (Now it's hard to tell this story in writing, because inflection and tone aren't easily expressed in ASCII. One might construe from reading this that he understood my meaning and was reciprocating by wryly confirming the troupe as a "fact." Sadly, it was apparent that this was not the case. Having clearly missed the double entendre, he not only didn't think it was funny, but he didn't know why anyone would think it was. I should also mention that it was apparent by his tone that he hadn't been offended by my comment, which might account for his inability to get the joke.)

Okay, fine. I was ready to move on, but then he followed up with, "Come on...I need witty banter." (Oh no he DI-N'T!) So I replied, "Well, you see, 'social disease' is a euphemism for 'venereal disease'...so calling one of the oldest social institutions a 'social disease' is funny because of the double entendre...it's not that it wasn't funny, you just didn't get it." (BTW, I said this in a jovial and sweet way so that it didn't come off as bitchy and as condescending as it does in the retelling.)

Now don't get me wrong, I don't expect anyone to get every one of my jokes. I certainly don't expect them to find them all funny. But this guy didn't even have the sense to be embarrassed that he'd just forced me to explain my joke! =-)

You see, if someone misses the irony or satire in something I've said and, when I point it out to them that I was "just joking," I expect them to be cool about it. An ideal response would be to make a joke about "not getting my jokes." ...I mean, I certainly don't get every quip someone throws at me, but I have the sense to say "d'oh!" when I realize it flew by me =-)

Anyway...so sad for me. He was SO CUTE! ...But alas, I never manage to be as superficial as I wish I could be =-(